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I have always been a romantic. I love sweet, goofy romantic movies like "Sense and Sensibility," "Jane Eyre," "Twelfth Night," "The Princess Bride," Oh, I could go on and on! I love books about courtly love, knights in shining armor, fair ladies, and riding off into the sunset. As much as I love, love all this fun, cheesy, mushy stuff, I have often thought about what is happening in our world with dating and marriage? Please, don’t misunderstand; I know that real life can't be wrapped up in a cute heart shape package.  Love and marriage relationships are complex and critical to building stable families.  What is troubling me is that people seem to want to play house, avoiding any real commitments—this not the right way of starting a good relationship.

   This week, I have been thinking a lot about why courting and dating are becoming obsolete in our world?  If you have a conversation with people in the dating scene, they’ll tell you don’t date. They hang out. Hang out? I used to hang out with friends, but how has it replaced dating, and why?

Hanging out delivers what it proclaims. It is just a group of guys and girls hanging out together and having fun. . Well, what is wrong with that, you say?  Nothing, if you want to just hang out, be pals, nothing serious is happening, and it is SAFE. This is not the kind of atmosphere that fosters finding a prospective mate. Most studies on dating indicate a critical element to finding a compatible marriage partner is time. Dating one on one allows two people to get to know one another, build trust, disclose information and build a reliance on one another.  Those things can't happen while you're just hanging out.

Another negative point about dating is that many young people say dating is too expensive and can’t afford to take someone out.    People think they have to plan elaborate all-day dates.  It comparable to a big prom date— on the agenda-- going to a splash park during the day with a picnic lunch.  Later after, everyone is dressed in their finery to go to dinner at a fancy restaurant and then attend a dance. So, I understand why people hesitate to step up to the plate and take on the "DATE" regularly. That is not how it should play out! Dates need to be creative but straightforward. I love what President Dallin H Oaks advised for dating- The 3” P”s--  Planned, Paired off, and Paid for, that's it.  It doesn't have to fancy or expensive. For example, you could go on a photo scavenger hunt and run around taking selfies of you and your date armed with a list of locations and a time limit.

 Here are some other fun ideas:

·         Canoe ride and picnic in the park

·         Riding bikes together

·         Go on a nature walk, find leaves, rock whatever to make a picture.

·         Make a bucket list of adventures you want to do

·         Get lost on purpose

·         Try to set a Guinness book of world records together.

·         Bake something yummy together

·         Attend a free class at a library

·         Try geocaching

·         Dress up in a goofy costume and hand out balloons to children or someone that looks sad.

·         Tour your local masonic lodge and watch "National Treasure."

·         Have a Costco challenge of making a dinner out of their free samples.

·         Volunteer time at an animal shelter

For something so critically important as selecting a future spouse, you want to do more than just hang out. You need to get creative and brave! Remember that you need to date many people to learn what kind of person is best for you and learn more about yourself. Challenge yourself to a date a week and then progress. These dates don't need to be serious! This is your social experiment; let it be fun. When you find someone you want to date more exclusively, slow down and keep dating with the confidence earned from all your practice dates in your dating laboratory.

This advice can and should be applied to married couples as well. We need to keep dating our spouse. Don't allow time to rob you and your spouse of knowing the person we married.  I need to work on this too! I am guilty of neglecting my relationship with my husband. Life gets crazy! For me, it's full of raising kids, going back to school, and letting other things take priority. We need to put our spouse top on our " to do" list. I challenge all married couples hearing my message today to plan to start dating each other again.

An acquaintance of mine set up a date with her husband. They met at a restaurant and pretended to be on a blind date. I thought this was such a great idea! They created an atmosphere of new beginnings that opened avenues of learning new things about one another.  Try it!  You'll be delighted and probably surprised by what you and your spouse can teach each other!💕