Marriage is a complicated relationship involving building a family from two different human beings. In my marriage, the most important aspect involves my covenant between God and my husband. This is a staple to how I view my relationship as it changes and grows. It affects my choices on protecting and remaining faithful to my husband. I covenanted to pledge my fidelity and to love him with all my heart and soul.  This is a sacred trust and is worth protecting. I want to discuss some important red flags to watch for and to avoid, to keep a marriage safe from affairs.

There are four different types of affairs –

·         Fantasy

·         Visual

·         Romantic

·         Sexual

Did you have the same light bulb moment as I did when I discovered there was more than one type of affair? An interesting study in 2008 indicated most people consider a marital affair as morally wrong, and yet many are not aware of the different ways a marital affair can happen.

Fantasy- is an emotional detachment from your spouse. Though you're not typically physically having an affair, you engage in thoughts of another person, flirting and having sexual fantasies about them. This person can be a real person, online, or a fictional character in a book. That person, real or unreal, is receiving your time and your emotional output, and your spouse is not. Why is this dangerous? I mean, maybe it isn't even a real person? One reason---"The grass is greener… on the side of the fence you water".  The time you spend emotionally thinking about and even abscessing about that other person begins a comparison between them with your spouse. As a result, of imagining this perfect fantasy person (that your spouse can't possibly compete with), your spouse now seems less attractive and loveable. This initiates a downward spiral that can end a marriage.

Visual- This type of affair has to do with looking at pornography, which is the most common infidelity in marriage relationships. It is categorized as physical because it involves the viewer acting out sexually. Pornography can take many forms- the internet, magazines, movies, and books. What is so insidious about pornography is that it can be hidden.  Looking at porn becomes a dangerous habit. It develops a slippery slope that leads the viewer to objectify men/women. It also may lead to physically acting out what they view.  Porn from a romantic story in a book may not seem like porn, but it is. The images created by our minds from what we read in a book have a far more powerful effect and stay in our memory longer than anything we see! Scary!

Romantic- This type of affair portrays the desire for a second life of someone who profoundly hates their current life. They long for escape and do so via the internet or a relationship at work. This type of affair usually evolves into a sexual affair. The sad thing is that once the individual is with the new "exciting" person, they eventually get bored with that person too.

Boundaries in a marriage are essential. Your spouse should be your best friend. Don't walk too close to temptation by developing a friendship with emotional attachments.  That kind of intimacy belongs with only your spouse.  Set boundary rules like don't be alone with someone of the opposite sex. Don't make a habit of having lunch with a co-worker.

Sexual - Having an intimate sexual activity with someone other than your spouse.

My objective in presenting these different types of affairs is to help others see the dangers of justifying actions that could lead to the devastating destruction of marriages and families. Be aware, who you spend your time with. Don't be deceived into thinking that engaging in such actions is ok because no one can see what you are doing. It will catch up to you and, unfortunately, also your marriage. Be aware and protect the vows you made and the love the one you cherish.

Reference source: INFIDELITY: PROTECTING OUR MARRIAGES by Scott Gardner & Christian Greiner