Being a parent is a complex, glorious, awful joy that does not ever stop. Even though most of my kids have left the nest, I still worry, wonder what they are doing, if they are happy and how I can help them. I often think about things I could have done better to prepare them to face that big crazy world of ours.  If I am entirely honest, a world that is speedily growing dark in the face of so much empathic and social avoidance. We are losing touch with each other.  I know many people, including myself that feel they are more introverted.  When the whole crazy situation with COVID happened, isolation was kind of nice at first. Introverts in force isolation are like a drug addict in lockdown with an endless supply of their favorite drug. LOL, OK,  maybe it's not quite that bad! Generally speaking, for all introverts, we were OK with the mandates. Something happened over the months that I couldn't see and visit with friends and acquaintances. I missed people! Once in a grocery store last summer, I saw a friend and hugged her before realizing what I was doing. I kind of jumped back and said, “Oops, sorry!” She laughed and said it was fine because she’d risk infection for a hug. She really needed one. We are starved for an essential human need- contact, touch, and belonging. There used to be a time when we held balls/dances, harvest parties, and town celebrations as a society. Everyone came together and be with each other, somehow, we've lost that, and the pandemic has only made it worst. So, what can we do? Let’s start with our homes and families.

Start hugging each other more! What I mean is to intentionally and freely share human touch. Try a  handshake, pad on the shoulder, a little squeeze. Look your children in the eye; call them by name; it makes them feel important. According to Michael Popkin, this is the first step in some critical ways to be an active parent. We also need to help children feel needed by letting them contribute. They need chores that they don't get paid for; otherwise, they view the chores as a contract to get paid for things the parent doesn’t want to do. Helping out around the house helps them feel like they are helping the family and gives them confidence.

Children also need to feel safe and protected. They need to be taught to be assertive, which can be a challenge as a parent because that gives them the freedom to correct you. But learning to respectfully correct when you perceive a wrong and stand up for yourself is empowering. There are no guarantees of complete safety, so they also need to learn to forgive because people make mistakes and sometimes hurt others. Forgiveness is the only way not to be buried under the poison of revenge, and that road leads to a life without safety or peace. Children need to learn how to withdraw. When things get tough, don't give up, take a minute, take a break and then get back to it.  Our society teaches that if things get too stressful to avoid it. We slip away into the social media world to numb our anxiety, or worst we try to fill those negative feelings with stuff we don't need. Remember, you can't get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need will never satisfy you. Whether it's drugs, movies, video games, books, alcohol, whatever you're using to avoid stress or fill the emptiness in your life, it will never be filled. You will always be looking for more.  Finally, we need to let your children be challenged. Encourage them to learn new skills or try something challenging or even scary for them to do. We all need to feel that we are moving forward and receiving the rewards of accomplishing something hard.

The big take-home from my soapbox message, go hug your kids! Even if they are a prickly teenager! I used to run and jump on my girls once they were in bed at night as I screamed, "Smash Hug!" They hated and loved it!