We all go through hard times. Some things are more challenging than others. I think of things I have watched loved ones or friends go through, and my heart aches for their troubles and sorrow.  I remember about ten years ago, our business was going under, and we had to decide to declare bankruptcy. We decided not to and tried to start pulling ourselves out of possible financial ruin. We defaulted the business back to the previous owners and my husband, Frank, began to look for work. After about three months, he was still unemployed; we survived on our food storage and meager savings. We decided that my husband would leave in his pick-up and look for work in the oil fields. He found a used but serviceable camper shell at the dump and fixed it up.  He put one of our old mattresses in the bed of the truck, so he would have a place to sleep. He left our house with the last of our cash, $ 150, a cooler of food, and a prayer. I don't know if I have ever been so anxious and worried. He spent the first night in a Wal mart parking lot and didn't sleep a wink.

There was gang activity around him, and he slept with his gun under his pillow. Later the next day, while job searching, he got permission to park in a stake building parking lot. This was a great deal more secure. However, the danger was ever-present in the form of armed robbery, drug, and gang violence. The small oil field towns were like the old wild west towns we hear about from tales of long ago, but my husband found himself in the middle of history replaying itself.  My children and I prayed for his safety every night. I felt like I prayed every hour of every day the self-same prayer of protection.

 A new danger lurked on the horizon as winter was closing in.  North Dakota winters are notoriously life-threatening as temperatures drop to subzero temperatures of -30 and below, not including the wind chill!  I heard of reports of men freezing to death in their cars and trucks because they had nowhere to live. Thankfully my husband was guided to our next-door neighbor's son, who had been working there for a while.  He offered to let Frank stay in a basement apartment with him. I was so grateful for this blessing! Frank was blessed to secure a job, but he could only come home once a month for 3 days. At the time, he was living in Wilson, ND, and it was a 12–13-hour drive home, so one of the three days was taken up just in traveling. He would leave very early in the morning so our children wouldn't have to watch him go. That was desperately hard for all of us.

One morning after he left, I remember hearing small cries out in our living room and went out to see what was wrong. Our youngest daughter, Cassie, who was about 3 years old, was standing up in our front window watching her daddy pull away from our driveway. She was sobbing and saying, "No daddy, don't go, no daddy, please don't go." I thought my heart would break! I gathered her up, cuddled with her, and tried to console our broken hearts.

Well, things did get better. Frank got a better job, and for a time, we moved to Minot, ND, to be together as a family. Even though those four years with him gone were so hard, we had great blessing come into our lives. I have always leaned very heavily upon Frank to do things outside our home. I am shy by nature and find dealing with others for bills, socially, kids school teachers etc., hard and awkward. While Frank was gone, I became more independent and found confidence in myself and my abilities. Frank developed some exceptional business skills and applications that serve him well to this day. Most importantly, we will never underestimate family and learning the importance of drawing upon each other because we had no one else to come to our aid.

Times of crisis can be hard, but if we can reframe the event, look for positive applications, and proactively move forward with faith, we will be guided through our trials. Practical tools like a mature perception of current conditions, taking responsibility for yourself, and balancing the concern of oneself with others' concerns are vital. Families come through crises much more effectively if they see to their needs and look out for one another. Don't get too caught up in your own grief or perceived failures or guilt.  Look around you for your resources like extended family, friends, church members, therapy, or support groups. These resources can help buffer the effects of family crises. The blessing that I mention I  figured out in hindsight. I went through my own dark moments of denial. When I prayed, I asked God why my family had to go through this hardship.  I realize now that if you can hold on to your loved ones and bear one another burdens, you can reach the end of the dark tunnel.  It is possible to find the proverbial silver lining that is the product of difficult journeys.